I was so excited to see the trailer for the hobbit the other day that i called my boyfriend and told him he wasn’t the only short fat hairy thing i was seeing next week.
I saw a man at the beach yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
A new law has been introduced which allows people to shoot anyone who is attempting to rob them.
My husband is fucked.
A man goes to a doctor and says “Doc, you gotta help me, I’m addicted to Twitter”. Doctor replies “Sorry, I don’t follow you”.
I see alot of celebs are becoming involved in anti knife crime campaigns, fair play to them i dont know if it will work, but something i think we should all definitely take a stab at.
Since the car accident I’ve been fed all my meals through a tube and lost a total of 2 stone.
I’m on a crash diet.
My wife never lets me fuck her arsehole. I’m starting to think she doesn’t really have one.
Maybe that’s why most of the shit comes out her mouth.
