The Hobbit.

I was so excited to see the trailer for the hobbit the other day that i called my boyfriend and told him he wasn’t the only short fat hairy thing i was seeing next week.

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BNAG!

BNAG!
That’s bang out of order.

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In exams…

In exams, we look up for inspiration, down for desperation, left and right for information.

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Shark.

I saw a man at the beach yelling “Help, shark! Help!”

I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.

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A new law…

A new law has been introduced which allows people to shoot anyone who is attempting to rob them.

My husband is fucked.

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Addicted To Twitter.

A man goes to a doctor and says “Doc, you gotta help me, I’m addicted to Twitter”. Doctor replies “Sorry, I don’t follow you”.

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I see alot of celebs are becoming involved in anti knife crime…

I see alot of celebs are becoming involved in anti knife crime campaigns, fair play to them i dont know if it will work, but something i think we should all definitely take a stab at.

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Bingo.

A couple of my mates lost their jobs at the bingo hall…

Unlucky for some.

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Since the car accident…

Since the car accident I’ve been fed all my meals through a tube and lost a total of 2 stone.

I’m on a crash diet.

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My wife never lets me….

My wife never lets me fuck her arsehole. I’m starting to think she doesn’t really have one.

Maybe that’s why most of the shit comes out her mouth.

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